As I was going through school, my mom kept one of those books where at the beginning of each school year you log your age, weight, school photo, and what you want to be when you grow up.
In grade 1, I wanted to be a ballerina. I distinctly remember that I was taking a bath and my mom popped her head in to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I answered immediately, “ballerina”.
My mom hesitated, and then responded, “Great! Did you want to take ballet this year too?”
“Nope,” I responded, and went back to playing with my toys. End of conversation.
I wanted to be a ballerina, yet I didn’t want to take ballet.
The following year, we sat down and had the same conversation, but this time I wanted to be an artist. I’m sure my mom was relieved that I had moved on from wanting to be a ballerina, as I was actually pretty interested in art. Pocahontas had just recently come out and quickly became my favorite Disney movie, and I had a collection of paintings and drawings of Meeko, Flit, John Smith, and Pocahontas all over my wall.
My love of art continued for a couple more years; however, the following year, I was seriously obsessed with Harriet the Spy and was convinced my life’s calling was to become a spy. I had a matching spy journal to the one Harriet had, and I roamed the house taking “sneaky” photos of my parents and my brother for my spy album. I was often found digging through closets looking for “clues” (to what I’m not entirely sure), and trying to quietly pick up the phone while my mom was talking to her friends without her noticing. This must have been a very annoying phase for my parents to endure.
Fortunately, by the time I reached grade 4, I was past the detective phase and had decided that I would be a writer. I spent hours writing fiction tales and poems, and my nose was always in a book. This is probably one of my only childhood career dreams that stuck with me over the years, and perhaps the closest to what I do now… but more on that later.
As the years went by, I continued to change my mind about what I wanted to be. In grade 6, we got to go to a real-life courtroom and I decided I would be a lawyer. Then, in grade 7, we got to choose a career to study and I chose marine biology. In grade 8, I was super into football, and by the time grade 9 rolled around, I was certain that I wanted to be a sports medicine trainer for professional football teams.
In grade 10, I was sent to a guidance counsellor who told me it was time to get serious about what I actually wanted to be when I grew up, and it all went down hill from there.
I had spent my entire life imagining what I would be when I grew up that when it came time to think about what I actually wanted to do, I had no idea.
Fast forward 2 years to me choosing what I wanted to study in university.
I actually don’t like arguing, so not a lawyer. I don’t like blood, so not a doctor. I’ll never make money as an artist or a writer… so maybe I’ll just study business? That seems like a smart choice.
Everyone around me was elated by my choice, and I truly felt like I was making the “right” choice. In reality, I had just confused myself more, as studying business was no where close to any of my childhood dreams. Yet, I spent the next 4 working towards my business degree, and the 2 years that followed working a corporate job that somewhat related to my degree.
It wasn’t until I quit that job, sold all my stuff, and went to South America that I got back in touch with the version of myself who wanted to be a ballerina even though I didn’t know how to do ballet, and the version of myself that believed I could be an artist or a writer or a spy because I loved it so darn much.
It was at that moment that I decided that when I grow up, all I want is to be happy. I don’t care what my job title is or how much money I make as long I can support myself comfortably and live a happy life. I was so focused on what society expected of me that I lost touch what I truly loved along the way.
From that moment forward, I sought to do only things that fulfilled me. I worked at lululemon. I started a blog and podcast on travel. I took a yoga teacher training and started teaching yoga. I started managing a yoga studio. I created a second podcast and blog on yoga. I started advising for Praxis. I started working with yoga teachers one-on-one. I wrote a novel (that I haven’t published).
I have multiple job titles. I work for multiple people. My income is totally inconsistent. But I am happy, and that’s all that matters to me; because, when I grow up, I want to be happy, healthy, and live a life I love.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
This is beautiful. I echo your final sentiment.
Thank you! <3