The other day I sat down to write a blog post, and I immediately had the idea of updating my readers on where I am at with my journey in Atlanta.
I’ll talk about adjusting and how we all do it, I thought to myself.
Easy-peasy.
I sat down to write it and nothing came.
Well, some stuff came, but my thoughts were disjointed and I couldn’t put my finger on the words I needed to connect the two ideas that were soaring through my head.
This is rare for me. Usually I sit down and the words flow out of my fingers.
I can sit down and tell the story of a cool travel adventure I’ve had, and even if my story-telling isn’t the best in the world, I can do it.
The words come easily when I’m inspired. It feels natural and seamless. It feels right. It’s at these times that I believe that I can be a writer and that at some point, someone might want to pay me to do this.
Then, I have days like the other day when I sit down, struggle for words, feel frustrated, and force something out. It’s at these times that I doubt my abilities as a writer.
I know that I’m not alone with this feeling. If I was, there wouldn’t be that thing called “writers block”.
So I began to consider this, because I believe that that’s exactly what I was suffering from the other day. The inability to write something. The idea was in my head, but I couldn’t get it from my head to paper (or computer screen). Every time I typed a sentence, I felt critical of it, feeling like something wasn’t right. It wasn’t connecting, it wasn’t making sense.
WHY?!?!?! I wanted to scream, as I sat in Starbucks, with my chin in my hands, staring at the computer screen.
Why is nothing coming out? Why isn’t it flowing?
I chose the topic, it’s of personal interest to me, I wanted to post something; yet, it wasn’t coming.
And then I realized that this is why creating stuff can be so damn difficult. Professional writers have pitches for stories. They outline them, they get approval for that idea, and then they get to roll with it… with a deadline. They don’t have the freedom of creating when they feel inspired.
This is why professional writers stay up all night, and often don’t make very much money, because it takes time and space to get in a creative flow. You can’t force the creative flow.
I’ve been assigned a copywriting project by a yoga studio that I work for, and when I’m in the zone, I can create some amazing content and my ideas rock! But, at others times, I look at the website, I read through the things I need to write about and I feel uninspired. When I’m uninspired, my readers are probably bored. No body likes reading a robot’s writing.
If someone could capture my thoughts as I’m falling asleep, I would have some of the best website copy, blog posts, and book excerpts out there. When my body relaxes and my mind begins to unwind, I get into a flow. I dream of beautiful sentences and brilliant prose.
When I wake up, there is nothing there, and I have to take the time to get into that state of creativity all over again. I have to find that place where I feel confident in my voice and sure of what I’m saying. I have to find some inspiration.
Because I’m self-employed, I have the time and space to write as I please AND I still have times where I sit down, desperately wanting to create something AND nothing comes.
How frustrating!!!!!!
But seriously. It’s so frustrated it makes me want to bang my head against a table until my brain stirs to life and spits out the words that I’m imaging in my mind.
Like drawing, painting, or sculpting, writing is a form of art. It’s a beautiful thing to get lost in the words dancing along the page as a reader, and it’s even more beautiful when you are the writer that has written those words. It’s amazing to sit down at my computer and feel my fingers dance along the keyboard with so much to say.
So why doesn’t it happen all the time?
I don’t really know. I can only speculate that it has something to do with our emotional state. When I sat down to write, I was distracted. I was upset about a text message I had received and a text message I hadn’t received. My mind was whirling with thoughts, stories and what-ifs. I couldn’t settle it and quiet it down. When my mind is like this, I can run really fast and really far. I can lose myself in a yoga class and my focus is unbreakable. I sit down to write and I’m like a pen out of ink. As many times as you scratch it across the page, nothing comes out. I can channel my energy into running or yoga, so why can’t I channel it into writing?
In truth, it doesn’t matter. I think the lesson I can learn from this is that I struggle to write when I’m emotionally clogged up. I struggle to focus, and I struggle to create. I’m slowly learning to take the time to write when I’m inspired, and put the time that I’m not inspired to other things, instead of forcing it. I’m slowly recognizing that writer’s block doesn’t mean I’m a bad writer; it simply means that I need to put it away, and come back to it later. It will come when it’s ready.
It’s a frustrating lesson to learn, but I guess it’s totally worth in those moments of pure creative bliss when the words do flow.
For now, I ponder my creative failures and wait for the words to come alive inside my head and flow through my finger tips.